I Am Deaf in a World of Sound

In my studies I've been reading about the doctrines of God as creator, God's providence, and the problem of evil and I couldn't help but stand in awe of God and write about them. As Calvin wrote: "the why is hidden in God's purpose".

I am deaf in a world of sound,
Lost despite splendors that abound,
For I think I hear aleatory
In the sounds of causality,
God gall to think contingency
But there's no serendipity
No dice roll circumstantially
No chance, no such thing as lucky
Nothing not premeditated,
What is here that's unexpected?
Never anything arbitrary
In light of God's economy.

But the trumpet of God does sound
Through the Logos, the Word is bound,
The will, shrouded in mystery
Creates the only history
That could ever be known or told
So it's been since oldest of old.
The I AM before time began
Did speak, create, command
All that is, the universe born.

Yet we in our small vanity
Stand in superiority.
The creature, the weakest of clay
Full of pride so foolish to say
By actions, choices, and the way
We live our lives that God does not
Give permission to what is wrought
Bring to exist all that was not
And never failing to fulfill
Unfolds history to His will.

I doubt there exists one who can
Sufficiently explain to man
The way, adn the why, and the work
Of God; for Scripture does shirk
All but to say that God is God:
Forever you will bow and laud.
Don't ask God to explain his way
God reigns forever and today
You must cherish moderation
Just feel the slightest vibration
While God plays a symphony
Of providential mystery.

So the inscrutable does grin
Dare mere mortals to enter in
To try to understand if they can
An unsearchable, hidden plan.
For the small slug which is your mind
Squirms below, so slow, and behind
The question: how can God if good
Allow evil, sin, wrong? And should
I trust God in uncertainty,
Incomprehensibility,
Shrouded in dark profundity?

backpacking in the budawangs

I went backpacking for a two day trip to the Budawangs which is an amazing stretch of wilderness 3 hours south of Sydney, basically in between Canberra and the coast. It wasn't an especially difficult hike, but it was stunningly beautiful!

Geoff took some sweeeeet pictures! The panoramas turned out especially nice. Check it out:

http://gallery.me.com/geoffmallo#100008&view=mosaic

I'm definitely heading back there soon.

To end, here are a few cool quotes with a wilderness-esque flavor:

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.
- Greek Proverb

All good things are wild and free.
-Henry David Thoreau

Hope Lives

When I’m alone

the Terror comes.

Doubting he enters in.

In isolation lurking:

Shame his fodder

Guilt his excrement

The Terror comes.

After victories won or when alone,

No matter my past

He is ready to strike.

Yet hope stands immortal.

Living in dark places

Fueled by what could be, burning bright.

Hope gives life as it casts light

Upon the darkness of a doubt.

Will you ever laugh again?

Hope thirsts to fight the Terror.

Take up your sword and fight

Strong warrior, dare to hope.

Exposure

"Exposure" is a term in rock climbing to describe when you feel the height of what you are climbing. Often accompanied with feeling the exposure of being high on a rock wall come deep feelings, such as fear, excitement, and thrill of being alive that is difficult to describe. That is why I'm entitling this post "exposure". The following two poems expose a bit of my soul, and in doing so I feel fear, excitement, and a certain sense that I am really living. Part of me would like to have written more obtusely obvious uplifting thoughts. But these are deep and true for me. So are obtusely obvious uplifting thoughts. But today instead of uplifting, apparently it is time to explore the depths. So I will start here. Don't ask where they come from. Sometimes the words just come. Sometimes the words do the talking.

Only

Only when looking can I hear

Only then I see when I fear

Only when in reverent awe

Only when broken, shattered, raw

Only when hurt can you heal

Only then will I know I feel.

Only when You take and take away

Only when You give and give today.

Only when trusting have I asked

Only then desires surpassed.

Only when You shatter like You do

Only then I know what is true

Only You see me, see my real.

I fell apart

I fell apart

No, ripped to shreds.

Was torn apart,

Was wound and bound

Till my silent scream

So it did seem

Was only heard by me.

Alone in the terror. The darkness.

I bled. Tried to flee,

Only entangled me.

These wounds that cut so deep,

They were done by me,

Done by me.

Thread by thread

Did I weave

This python now

Crushing me.

Thought I’d be the only victim,

Perpetrator and victim one

And the same.

But that’s not all.

The closer she came

The greater my shame

The more her pain

Would fall like rain

Drenching to the bone

When it was shown

The man I am.