Exposure

"Exposure" is a term in rock climbing to describe when you feel the height of what you are climbing. Often accompanied with feeling the exposure of being high on a rock wall come deep feelings, such as fear, excitement, and thrill of being alive that is difficult to describe. That is why I'm entitling this post "exposure". The following two poems expose a bit of my soul, and in doing so I feel fear, excitement, and a certain sense that I am really living. Part of me would like to have written more obtusely obvious uplifting thoughts. But these are deep and true for me. So are obtusely obvious uplifting thoughts. But today instead of uplifting, apparently it is time to explore the depths. So I will start here. Don't ask where they come from. Sometimes the words just come. Sometimes the words do the talking.

Only

Only when looking can I hear

Only then I see when I fear

Only when in reverent awe

Only when broken, shattered, raw

Only when hurt can you heal

Only then will I know I feel.

Only when You take and take away

Only when You give and give today.

Only when trusting have I asked

Only then desires surpassed.

Only when You shatter like You do

Only then I know what is true

Only You see me, see my real.

I fell apart

I fell apart

No, ripped to shreds.

Was torn apart,

Was wound and bound

Till my silent scream

So it did seem

Was only heard by me.

Alone in the terror. The darkness.

I bled. Tried to flee,

Only entangled me.

These wounds that cut so deep,

They were done by me,

Done by me.

Thread by thread

Did I weave

This python now

Crushing me.

Thought I’d be the only victim,

Perpetrator and victim one

And the same.

But that’s not all.

The closer she came

The greater my shame

The more her pain

Would fall like rain

Drenching to the bone

When it was shown

The man I am.